Why You Should Spoil The Endgame
By Seneca Rōka
Francis Ford Coppola’s Godfather ends with protagonist Michael Corleone orchestrating the murder of all his rivals as he stands at the alter of his nephew’s baptism, thereafter consolidating his power as the new “Godfather” of New York’s criminal underworld.
Oh, spoiler alert. I’m sure you must be furious if you haven’t already seen Coppola’s gangster masterpiece. Then again, everyone who has watched The Godfather already knows that it’s unspoilable. In fact, many say their enjoyment of the film only grows with each repeat viewing. The same cannot be said for today’s typical blockbuster.
When was the last time you rewatched the original Iron Man? What about the first Avenger’s film? Did you even bother buying a second ticket to Marvel’s first major movie starring a superhero of color, 2008’s groundbreaking The Incredible Hulk? Let’s be honest, unless you’re a child and easily distracted by bright colors and loud noises, the answer is probably ‘no’.
To be blunt: good films don’t need spoiler warnings, their value only increases with repeated viewing. In contrast, the impact of the typical Marvel movie dies faster than Iron Man at the end of Avengers: Endgame.
I remember being dragged to the theater to see Part One of Infinity War by my semi-normie friend last April, and within the first twenty minutes he nudged my shoulder and whispered “why are Thor and Loki on that spaceship?”
“That’s where they ended up after Asgard blew up.” I whispered back.
“Which movie was that?” He asked.
It was Thor: Ragnorok, which also happened to be the last movie he dragged me into watching with him. In Disney’s defense; my friend is mildly retarded. In my friend’s defense; the films manufactured under the Disney umbrella are single-use, disposable junk food flicks with a shelf life of about three months, at most, and this pernicious modern taboo against spoiling their endings serves little more than to mask the empty calories they really are. No wonder the people to who consume these hollow features tend to be overweight, apathetic losers. Just like Thor after he cut off Thanos’ head in the first act of Avengers: Endgame.
For those of us who care about our culture and wish to see it thrive in a healthy manner, it’s time to take drastic measures. It’s time to employ asymmetric aesthetic warfare tactics against pop cultural totalitarianism in general and the hegemonic Disney sacred cow in particular: we need to spoil the Endgame.
By sabotaging the novelty of these films, we can strike at the very heart of the Big Mouse and its desperate social media marketing. Sadly, there will be casualties in this fight for a better pop culture: Our normie friends may avoid us on movie nights, and our boomer parents will see this as another example of our rampant entitlement. However, sometimes we have to make sacrifices to get the job done, just like when Hawkeye watched Black Widow jump to her death to get the Soul Stone in Avengers: Endgame.